THE DEEPER GOLDEN RULE
Luke 6:31 NASB
Treat others the same way you would want them to treat you.
Most of us grew up knowing what is traditionally called “The Golden Rule”. We’ve probably heard it many times over the course of our lives. To most people the obvious meaning of this passage is simply, to treat other people just like you would want them to treat you. Don’t yell at them, don’t be rude to them, don’t mistreat them, don’t degrade them, don’t be unfair to them, don’t take advantage of them, be kind to them, etc, etc. Which are all very good things. But have you ever considered this as part of an even deeper meaning: Treat other people the way they would want to be treated.
This phrasing, this nuance, is vital to the health of your marriage. Let me illustrate. I’m an affectionate person. I hugged and kissed my children countless times as they were growing up. I enjoyed holding them as little babies and toddlers. However, my wife is not naturally a super affectionate person. She’s not a hugger or a snuggler. In fact, because of a severe car accident, it hurts her neck and back to do so. If I only thought in terms of how I want to be treated, that I would like her to hug me often, hold my hand often, and then tried to treat her the same way, for her that would be bothersome. It would not build her up or encourage her. It would be abrasive and counterproductive in our relationship.
The deeper, more profound meaning of the golden rule is to treat my wife the way she would want me to treat her. To treat her in light of her preferences, in a way that considers her unique personality and temperament.
This deeper understanding has a profound impact on our marriage and relationship. Many years ago, Kathy came across a wise bit of advice given to young brides – Study your husband. Meaning, take the time to make astute observations of what your husband likes, what makes him tick, and adapt yourself to those things. This has been a tremendous blessing to me. But, I have also applied this same advice with my wife over the years. I have studied her, I have paid attention to her likes and dislikes, her personality, temperament and preferences. It’s made a tremendous impact on our marriage for good, for both of us. It has helped to make our marriage a happy place to live.
So remember The Deeper Golden Rule: Treat your spouse the way they would want you to treat them! What’s golden to you may not be golden to them.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
