STAND UP TO THEM
Proverbs 10:10 NLT
People who wink at wrong cause trouble, but a bold reproof promotes peace.
Over my decades of ministry I often observed what I refer to as permissive parenting. Parents who tend to ignore something their child did wrong, rather than boldly confronting it. They excuse it, make light of it, say the child didn’t really mean it, they’re just going through a phase, or they pretend it didn’t happen. Over time this is very destructive to your child and to your family. Glossing over things that are clearly wrong, things that need to be reproved and corrected in your child will cause them real harm.
This is what we call a counterintuitive truth. We seldom think of bold reproof promoting or making peace. We often wrongly assume it will make dangerous, unsettling waves. While it may be true that initially at times, confronting a defiant child, may cause them to act out more, or argue, or lash out at you, over time, boldly reproving them will lead to greater peace in your home and greater peace in your child’s spirit and attitude.
In 1999 I started a new church called The Rock that I designed especially for 20-something singles and college students. I saw the devastation that occurred to so many young people who grew up in broken, fatherless homes. I witnessed the terrible impact that this leftist, godless culture had on their lives. So many young people had grown up in feminist homes with no boundaries, no guidance, no firm, loving, fatherly hand to guide, encourage and instruct them. Many struggled with addictions, aimless and lost. I truly believed by God’s grace I could make a difference in their lives. That God’s love, God’s truth, and strong, bold, godly male leadership could impact them in a powerful way.
God did a mighty work in so many young people’s lives over the next 20 years. One of the primary reasons was this: I boldly preached the truth to them, without pulling any punches, from a heart of deep love for all of them. I called out the lies they had been told, I held them accountable, I showed them what God could do and wanted to do with their lives. In fact, you can find all of those messages on my website. You will discover they are overflowing with passion, conviction, courageous boldness, no-punches-pulled truth! I put the Bible’s truths in a wise, powerful, relevant way they could really understand. It greatly impacted their lives.
I have countless letters from so many of them over the years who said things like this: Pastor Mark, when I started coming to your church I was a committed feminist. I would have never imagined being a homemaker, a homeschooling mom with multiple children. I love my life! I can’t count how many times I heard this. You see, I was preaching bold truth to young people that was changing their lives. I was standing up to them, to the lies they had been told, to the wrong ways they were thinking and living. I had young men tell me — Pastor Mark, I finally understand what it is to be a real man. I would have never pictured myself as a loving, committed father when I first started coming to your church. I love what God is doing in my life.
In 2018, I had a very godly, mature Pastor whom I knew quite well, come and visit my church over the course of several months. This pastor had not only planted other churches but worked with multiple churches himself. He had lots of experience and wisdom. Over the course of his many visits to my church he engaged in multiple conversations with many of the young couples, who’d started attending as young singles or college students. He told me he was so blessed by the families he met and interacted with. He shared this observation with me: Mark, for years so many of us around the country have been trying to build the kind of committed, devoted people and families that you have here at your church, but with little success. You have actually done it!
The Lord of course worked in powerful ways, and to God goes all the glory. But one primary reason this occurred was because I boldly, passionately exhorted and preached the truth, confronting the lies, proclaiming to these precious young people what God expected of them, what God wanted them to become and held them accountable to it.
My wife and I did the same thing with our children as they grew up in our home. As a result it was a place of much peace and progress. Each of them became committed, devoted Christians.
Parents, don’t gloss over wrong. Don’t let your children get away with it. Don’t go weak in the knees. Boldly, wisely reprove it. In time you will be amazed at what God does.
I leave you today with this powerful passage of Scripture. This was, and is my great secret in ministry. Notice the extremely serious way the Apostle Paul begins this charge!
2 Timothy 4:1-3 NLT
And so I solemnly charge you before God and before Jesus Christ—who will someday judge the living and the dead when he appears to set up his Kingdom: Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, exhort, warn and encourage your people with good teaching. For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to right teaching. They will look to follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever they want to hear.
This Divine Charge from God shaped my entire ministry life. It burned on my heart and soul, every single time I stood to preach to God’s people. Every message I ever prepared for, this directive from God was on my mind. Every single time! Those of you who ever attended the Faithwalker Conferences I created, led and preached at, witnessed this for yourselves. This was how I preached to my own people week after week, for decades.
Churches today are filled with nice teachers, saying what so many want to hear. Few churches are filled with passionate, bold, warning and exhortations, challenging their people to change their lives, to live in accordance with the word of God. Wisely communicating to them exactly what that means in real life. I never, ever spoke to inform people. I spoke with one intention—to change their lives. I wanted to ignite their soul. This must also be what burns on our heart towards our children.
I am compelled today to share this commendation — Great job Harrison Butker! You’re my kind of man. I stand with you. May God greatly bless you for your faith and courage.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
