THE INSIGHTFUL MAN
Proverbs 2:3 NLT
Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure.
Proverbs 19:8 NLT
People who cherish understanding will prosper.
Psalm 19:8 NLT
The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight to life.
I began my public ministry, preaching and teaching, when I was 30 years old. I’ll never forget one particular Sunday morning. It was my habit after the service to stand by the front door of our church building and personally meet each of the hundreds of people who had begun to attend our services. My goal was to thank each of them personally for attending that morning, and let them know by my greeting, gratitude, and warmth that they really mattered to me, and to God.
We had people coming from all different backgrounds, many with advanced college degrees, and many who were older than I was. One particular morning, an older couple walked by who were the parents of one of the young families who had begun to attend. I was doing a series on raising children. They were highly educated and had experienced many things in life. The older man grasped my hand and said, “Pastor Mark, how did someone so young get all this insight and understanding? Your message was so profound.” I thanked him, and replied, “God deserves all the credit. He has taught and shown me many things.”
Let me ask you a sincere question. Are you an insightful man? Would those who know you say you are an insightful and understanding man? Do you cry out for insight and understanding? Do you search for them like hidden treasure?
It is impossible to be an effective father, or husband, or to really love other people, or deeply impact the lives of others if you are not an insightful and understanding man.
We must possess an intense desire to gain insight and understanding if we want to be powerful and effective for Christ in the lives of other people. So many simply look on the surface of things. They don’t take the time to look below the surface, to try to really understand a matter or a person, and what makes them tick. Many men I’ve encountered over the years do not spend the time required in prayer and study, crying out to God for insight and understanding. Most people’s prayer life is short and shallow. Their meditation on, and study of God’s word is sparse and unserious. This leaves them dull and obtuse in things that matter most. This is why many fail with their children, they fail with their spouse, or in dealing with people and fellow believers. They don’t possess deep insight and understanding into another person’s life or situation. They fail to accurately put the pieces of the puzzle of that person’s life together, and as a result, they have a distorted, inaccurate picture of them, which often leads to hurtful, erroneous judgements.
I’d like to share an example with you of insight gained from striving to understand another person better, and taking the time to look beneath the surface, to discover things that were previously hidden and not taken into account.
I’ve shared the story of my father many times over the years—how he walked away from the Lord, and eventually, his family. But, here is a unique insight I passed on sometime ago to my mom and brothers in an effort to help them understand our father even more, and to help them find greater peace. I felt this would help them process things he’d done, especially to them, as the worst times for them were after I’d already moved out and gotten married. My siblings are all younger, and have each been affected in personal ways by my father’s actions.
Here is what I wrote to them and to my mother.
Dear Family,
I have been thinking about something a lot lately, and thought it might be very helpful to you in your own life journey and in understanding the past a little bit more. It might be sort of like an “Aha moment,” that puts a large, missing puzzle piece in place for you.
Each of you siblings and mom, suffered greatly from dad’s destructive behavior and his eventual abandonment. There are so many unanswered questions that can plague the mind of his family members.
Recently, I came across some extremely enlightening information on head trauma and its direct impact on personality, behaviors and emotions, that often, only reveal themselves in later life, rather than when the initial trauma occurred. The research and discoveries in this area have only just come to light in the last 20 years. So we could not have known these things when we were going through all that occurred with dad.
Here is what stuck me this last week–Dad fought approximately 132 amateur fights, not including sparring in the gym. I looked this up to be sure, and found that in the 40s and 50s, amateurs did not wear headgear in fights. I looked up the average number of blows to the head in each amateur 3 round fight and the average is 50 blows to the head. So I use the number 50. Take that times 132 amateur fights, and dad was hit in the head aprox.—6600 times!
This is a stunning number of blows to the head. I am sure you remember, but I certainly recall some very distinct changes in dad as he got older. Erratic, depression, risky ventures, irresponsibility, bipolar type symptoms, aggressive, angry, paranoia, etc. He began neglecting his health, his family, stopped working, and just became more and more destructive.
I am not excusing at all what he did, as he was completely unwilling to acknowledge he had any problem, or try to get any help.
But, this information could be very valuable in looking back on our lives, and understanding a lot more, exactly what happened, and why.
This insight has certainly been helpful to me to understand all of this in a greater way.
My desire is not to stir up painful memories, but simply offer some insights that might help you in your own life journey.
With tenderness,
Mark
Each of my siblings thanked me for sharing this, several profusely, as none of them had ever thought of this or considered it before. My mother was deeply moved after reading this, as it helped her immensely to process some of the things my dad did.
I hope sharing this very personal story inspires you to cry out for greater insight—to take the time to really understand your children, your spouse, and other people in your life and their unique journeys. Then wisely consider how different things in their lives have, or are impacting them.
This definition of insightful will be very helpful for you in your journey.
Insightful describes the ability to understand complex situations deeply, seeing beyond the obvious to offer original, perceptive, and wise observations. Characteristics include keen observation, critical thinking, and empathy. Synonyms include perceptive, astute, and discerning, while antonyms include obtuse, shallow, and unperceptive.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
