DADDY
Friday afternoon, July 30, 2021, was the internment for my father. We gathered at a small cemetery in Webster City and held a service of sorts for my dad. My brother graciously arranged it and led it. Each took a little time to share a memory or two of our dad, almost all through some tears, as his memory is not easy for the family. Not that every memory is a bad one, but the weight and totality of his life and his decision to desert and abandon his wife and children, leaves by far the deepest impression that taints almost all other memories.
Over the course of the last month, I have had several different email conversations with a few of my brothers. Each thanked me for the memories I shared, as being the oldest sibling they were special memories my siblings would not have known about. I also shared through tears of my own, that dad’s life was a “constantly flashing warning light on the dashboard of my life”. I was deeply moved by some of the things shared with me in their emails, of the deep hurt my father’s words and actions caused them. They remember them with a clarity that was as if he had just said and done them an hour before. I wrote each one back with great tenderness, in an effort to soothe their wounded hearts and sought to lift their spirits. Each of them has accomplished so much with their lives, and been devoted to their spouse and families. I am actually amazed at what each has overcome.
Today, I want to share with all of you a deeply personal song I wrote almost 20 years ago. I wrote it for the ” father-wounded among us” as I know there are so many. This song went along with a series I was doing, called Healing The Father Wound. I share it today, because I know many of you have gone through a very similar, deeply painful experience in your own life. I never recorded the song and only performed it once, just before I preached the first message of that series. Singing it was so emotional for me, that I knew for the rest of the services I would not be able to sing it again. So today, I simply share the lyrics, and the journey and story it reflects.
Some of the great songs in the last 47 years have been about father-wounds. Such as Cat’s in the Cradle, The Greatest Man I Never Knew, Father of Mine. Having heard them all, I genuinely felt there was room for one more that more adequately expressed my own soul’s journey and the insight and perspective God led me to.
I hope that it ministers to you as you read it and reflect on it in light of your own journey. I sincerely hope and pray you find some healing.
Daddy
Don’t know what to say,
Don’t know what to do.
Not exactly quite sure
How to get past my past with you!
Should I yell and scream,
Throw my curses at you?
Should I stand up to you and fight?
Looking back on my memories of time,
Walking down the trails of my mind,
All my memories just fade to blue.
Daddy your hands were strong
You could do no wrong,
Tell me why’d you walk out of my life?
Chorus:
They tell me time will heal me,
I wanna believe it’s true,
I just wanna make my peace with you.
Every time I think of you,
The pain it feels brand new,
Like yesterday over again.
I really wanna forgive
I just wanna live,
Wanna get on with the rest of my life.
Chorus:
They tell me time will heal me,
I wanna believe it’s true,
I just wanna make my peace with you.
Daddy, I needed you,
You can’t deny it’s true,
Guess I’ll feel this all of my life.
But I promised myself,
I’m gonna love my wife,
Never walk out of my little kids’ lives!
Chorus:
They tell me time will heal me,
I wanna believe it’s true,
I just wanna make my peace with you.
Time to close the book,
Take no second look,
Time to write a new life for myself.
I’m moving on with my life,
Leave the pain and strife
Time to get on without you.
Chorus:
They tell me time will heal me,
I’m gonna believe it’s true
Just gonna make my peace with you.
Daddy, I want you to know,
I let the bad feelings go,
I’m moving on without you!
I’m moving on without you!
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
