THE HARDEST THING
GOD EVER ASKED OF ME
As I look back on the historical landscape of my life, I have to tell you that nothing has been harder on me than watching my kids suffer. When I first became a father, almost 40 years ago, I knew that following Jesus Christ would cost me. In truth, I had already paid a great personal cost in the previous 4 years. I knew as a Christian disciple that there would be trials and difficulties. I had accepted that cross as part of my genuine devotion and commitment to Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. I understood that in fact, God uses trials and difficulties to mold my life, to grow my character, and to make me more Christlike and useful to God’s kingdom. I embraced these Biblical truths.
What I was not prepared for, and am uncertain how to even prepare for, was watching my children suffer pain, hardships, great injustices, severe health challenges, betrayals, emotional anguish, and deep hurt. This is the hardest thing God has ever asked me to endure!
Recently, I was running an errand with my son and out of the blue, he reminded me of the time a neighbor boy in a fit of foolishness flung his arms back while holding a pencil in his hand as they were drawing at a table and jabbed my son in the eye. He reminded me how he had to wear a patch over his eye for a time and even today that eye does not work quite right. It brought back in a moment the memory of the instant pain and rage I felt when that happened almost 36 years ago. I had to confront the boy’s father about the continued foolishness in his kids and let him know my kids could not play with them anymore. It hurt me deeply to see my child suffer from the foolish stupidity of another kid. It hurt me to know I couldn’t stop it from happening to my son.
Some years down the road, my kids were in a teen group. They were striving to live uprightly, trying to do the right things while being kind to others and trying hard to be a good example of Christ. One day I got a phone call from the youth leader at my church, whom I had led to Christ, helped disciple, and get this job. He called me on the phone to set up a meeting with him and another leader. When I arrived they proceeded to tell me how my kids were proud and self-righteous. I sat there deeply hurt and stunned that these men could not see through the story they were told by a kid whose jealousy caused him to concoct things that were not true. I sat and listened. I did not attack in return. I went home, gathered my kids, explained what had happened, and through my tears shared about unjust suffering, urged us all to trust God and to go back into the fire and prove by our actions our humility. Many months later this same youth leader pulled me aside and said, “Mark, I was wrong about what I said regarding your kids. Their attitudes and humility have been remarkable.” I was thankful he said those words, but it still hurt me greatly that my kids had to go through that. I watched it hurt them deeply and there was nothing I could do to take their hurt and pain away. I couldn’t protect them.
I watched in unspeakable agony and anguish as my daughter suffered for 7 years from a complex illness and was much of the time a medical mystery that God allowed her to be afflicted with. It caused her to lose 7 years of her life. I lived through the cruel accusations of others that she was making it up and that we, her parents, were making her sick. I watched as doctors poked and prodded, made all kinds of speculative pronouncements, said and did deeply hurtful things. I watched her body deteriorate and saw her bedridden for years. I watched her intense suffering, and the anguish of her body, heart, and spirit. I honestly thought I might die of a broken heart. I did not think I could ever hurt so much in my whole life! It tore my guts out! I went through things with her during those 7 years, things that were done to her by others, that could have provoked me to a rampage of fury and indignation,{think Old Testament} wreaking havoc and destruction on those who did what they did to her. You have no idea, I mean no idea. It was an incredibly tormenting ordeal.
I watched as my son and his wife longed to have a child, longed to have more children, and yet year after year, month after month they struggled with infertility. They searched for answers, they prayed and prayed and prayed and we prayed and prayed, yet the struggle continued. After years passed, God did finally give them a child, and yet that struggle continues as they had hoped for more, prayed for more, tried for more, and God has not answered. I watched the deep hurt, pain, and disappointment they felt as all their friends were having children so easily.
Just when I thought I could not take any more pain and anguish, in 2018 I watched in horror as my adult children’s world was shattered and torn apart by the wicked actions of others. I watched their anguish, the betrayal by others they had known and trusted all their lives. Those people ignored their cries, ignored their entreaties, ignored their upright testimonies, observations, and their feelings, and everything we worked for was taken from them, from us.
They were all left with catastrophic damage, trying to pick up the pieces of their lives that others mercilessly, savagely shattered and sabotaged.
HOW DOES A FATHER SURVIVE THAT, OR EVER PREPARE FOR THAT!?
There has been no greater test of my faith, none whatsoever, than what I have had to watch my precious loved ones go through. As I look back on 44 years, I think, honestly, all I really have to show for my life is my faith. Almost everything else has been in many ways taken from me.
Dads, I want to pass onto you how I even survived, how I ever got through these times. I know many of you may, in time, face things you could not have possibly imagined happen to your kids or in their lives. I want you to know how to survive the inevitable difficulties that are coming your way as a father.
CLING TO GOD, CLING TO GOD, CLING TO GOD! NEVER, EVER LET GO OF GOD AND YOUR FAITH IN HIM.
Look at these verses:
“But you are to cling to the Lord your God,
just as you have done to this day.”
Joshua 23:8 (AMP)
“Then his wife said to him, “Do you still cling to your integrity
[and your faith and trust in God, without blaming Him]?
Curse God and die!”
Job 2:9 (AMP)
“My soul [my life, my very self] clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.”
Psalm 63:8 (AMP)
“Cling to your faith in Christ.”
1 Timothy 1:19 (NLT)
“I clung to my faith even when I said, ‘I am sorely afflicted.’”
Psalm 116:10 (BERK)
I know some may think this is so trite and simplistic. It. Is. Not. At the beginning of every day, the middle of every day, the end of every day, nothing, absolutely nothing is more important to me than my faith in God. Faith must be nurtured, it must be carefully guarded and fed. You will not survive what is coming if your faith is weak, anemic, neglected, ignored, lukewarm, left rusting away in the back lot of your heart and mind. You cannot take your faith for granted, you cannot take God for granted. You must actively, actually, emotionally, and intellectually cling to Him. That word cling means to tenaciously grip, to tightly hold onto. You and I must tenaciously cling to God for dear life!
Every single day, I nurture my faith, strengthen my faith, exercise my faith through prayer and obedience. I feed my mind and my heart on stories and Biblical truths that grow, fortify and strengthen my faith. Throughout my days in my thoughts and meditations, I think about things to strengthen my faith. Cling to God’s promises. Cling to God’s word. Cling to God’s character. Cling to God Himself. Cling to God through the divine connection of prayer.
In every possible way that I could, I joined my children in their suffering, hardships, and struggles. I have shared thousands of dollars with them. I fervently cry out to God for them every single day, twice a day in prayer. God has answered so many prayers through the years, and yet even now, there are still great needs I am earnestly begging God for. I cry with them, I do all I can to share their burdens and offer any comfort, encouragement, or help that I can give. I do all I can to strengthen and build their faith in God.
In closing, I would like to share with you the lyrics to a song I wrote for my daughter during her severe illness. These lyrics have been my way of life, the salvation of my life, my sanity and my soul.
Jessica’s Hope
I Am the Great I Am
I’m all that’s ever been
I know the heart of every man
I hold the world inside my hand
Chorus:
Hold me now
Never let me go
Hold me now
Let your feelings out
Never let you down
I know the dreams you hold inside
I know the fears deep in your mind
I know the things that make you cry
I know the reason’s that you die
Chorus:
Hold me now
Never let me go
Hold me now
Let your feelings out
Never let you down
I Am the Great I Am
I’m all that’s ever been
I know the heart of every man
I hold your world inside my hand
Chorus:
Hold me now
Never let me go
Hold me now
Let your feelings out
Never let you down
These are the songs of my faith. I wrote them all from the great, difficult experiences of my journey of faith. For years I played them on my guitar and sang them every single day. You might find them to be a blessing. The link is below.
