UNDERSTAND THE CHALLENGES OUR
ADULT KIDS ARE FACING
“Inez Stepman wrote in National Review recently, ‘At least four of the largest stressors on the aspiring middle-class family aren’t tied to weekly or monthly economic indicators. Instead, they are found in the costs of basic middle-class staples: housing, healthcare, education, and childcare. For many, these costs are unavoidable and have been rising at rates well above inflation and wage growth for decades.’ A majority of Americans under the age of 50 now believe the American Dream is no longer possible for them. Right now, half of all Americans aged 18 to 29 are living with their parents—the highest share since the Great Depression. Another 47 percent in that age group get financial help from someone outside their household to pay basic living expenses.” –John Davidson — Editor, The Federalist
All parents have a genuine desire to see their children succeed in life. We raise them full of hope for their future, often assuming they will have the same success we did—that they will be able to make it in life, purchase a home, and experience the same good things we have. However, this assumption is not the reality that many of our adult children are experiencing today.
These are extremely difficult times we live in. Although there are some wonderful policies emanating from this current administration, and positive things happening in the overall economy, the years of horrendous government mismanagement, incompetence, and corruption have taken a tremendous toll on our daily economic realities. The actual cost of living experienced by millions has soared far above stagnant wages and incomes.
The price of rent or purchasing a home today literally makes me sick. I look these things up often and I can tell you, it is impossible to imagine how I would have ever purchased a home, or paid current rent for my family of 6, based on what I was making, even in my later years as a pastor. The current average price for a home is $410,000!! How would I have ever even come up with the down payment? Let alone manage the monthly payments and then upkeep?! Insurance costs have gone through the roof. The cost of a used car, let alone a new one—insane! Gas prices right now are exceedingly high. The cost of groceries has skyrocketed, and they’re not coming down! The same for the cost of healthcare. Recently, my wife went in for a blood test. She spent 3 hours on the phone with the insurance company to be absolutely sure they would cover the test. They assured her they would. The bill came to us—$2,800 for a simple blood test, and the insurance company now says they won’t pay it, that it is on us to pay it. If we were a young family that would be crushing.
This data provides you with some frame of reference:
The average income for a couple living on one income is approximately $70,000.
With both spouses working, it’s an average additional income of $33,000.
Many of our adult kids are a one income family, as they try to follow the Biblical family model. Even if they were two, the combined amount would still make it difficult to qualify for a loan at today’s housing prices and rents.
Our first rent payment as a married couple was $143 a month! After we had a couple children, which meant we needed another place to live, our rent rose to $293 a month, which we could only afford because someone lived with us. Eventually, we found a trailer home to live in for $73 a month, and it saved us—literally saved us.
It’s easy for older people to think, “Ahh, just do what we did. When I was a kid I used to walk 5 miles in the snow to school!!” That kind of mentality, while I understand the point older people are trying to make, is in many ways divorced from today’s economic realities our adult children and their families are facing.
For boomer parents who were able to get far, far lower prices compared to today when we bought our homes, who were able to get amazingly low interest rates on their home purchase, and who have seen their 401(k)s grow and increase and their equity wealth surge, keep in mind that your children are facing a much more extreme and difficult economic world than you and I faced when we were raising our kids. I am not saying boomer parents didn’t face challenges. We certainly did. But the realities today are even more difficult, and can be crushing on our adult kids.
Is there an easy solution to it all? No, but let me urge you—help them in any way you can. Help carry their burden. Share with them whatever you are able to. Pray for them every single day. Be an encouragement to them. Be careful with your judgments. Strive to truly understand the realities they’re dealing with.
And never forget what real love is and looks like: We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters (adult children). But if anyone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need and refuses to help—how can God’s love be in that person? –God (1 John 3:16-17)
Let that really sink in. I keep it at the forefront of mind, always.
Generosity and sharing what we have with family is the HALLMARK OF BIBLICAL CHRISTIANITY!
In the late 70’s, I was attending a Christian conference. My wonderful friend, Pastor Dennis Clark, was sharing a message I’ve never forgotten.
“World War II had just ended and Germany was utterly devastated. Berlin was in ruins. Berlin had been divided into 3 sectors: the British sector, the Russian sector, and the American sector. Troops were stationed in each of these areas. In the American sector there were hardly any standing buildings left, and the people were starving. But, in one area there was one small bakery that was left standing, and the American GI’s would often stop to get a pastry there, as they had money. One day, in front of the bakery, a small little boy was peering at the sumptuous pastries in the large picture window, his face pressed against the glass. At that moment, an American soldier came out of the bakery with his huge pastry in hand. He was just about to take a bite when he saw the little boy gazing up at him. The soldier was overcome with compassion and gave the pastry to that little boy. The little boy said to him in broken English, ‘Gee mister, are you God?’” I will never forget that story as tears welled up in Pastor Dennis Clark’s eyes, as he too was overcome with emotion telling that story. Then Dennis said this, “We are never more like God than when we give!” BAM, that hit me like a ton of divine bricks.
WE ARE NEVER MORE LIKE GOD THAN WHEN WE GIVE!
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
