WHEN PEOPLE GO BAD
When in good faith, you’ve trusted and connected your life to a person who was, at the time, a good, righteous individual, who later turns bad—this is one of life’s most devastating, painful experiences. It is a crushing blow. There has been no greater pain in my life than this.
The story of Saul illustrates this profoundly. Israel demands Samuel give them a king. They’ve rejected God as their king. God directs Samuel to appoint 30-year-old Saul the first king of Israel. God works in Saul in a powerful way and brings about godly change in his life. God surrounds him with “a band of men whose hearts God touched, who became his constant companions.” He begins to lead the Israelites in battle to great victories, and the people are delighted. In fact, Saul ruled as King of Israel for over 40 years. Saul has a godly son who joins him in military exploits, named Jonathan, who himself wages courageous war against the Philistines.
During a great battle against the ferocious Philistines, and their giant champion, Goliath, Saul and his men succumb to overwhelming dread and fear. They have no idea what to do. David, the teenage shepherd, enters the scene on a visit to his brothers, as requested by his father, Jesse. David sees for himself this fearsome giant challenge King Saul and his armies. He watches as they cower in fear. David volunteers to wage combat against this wicked Philistine giant. At first, he’s scoffed at and ridiculed by the king, but soon, King Saul gratefully accepts his help, and promises his own daughter in marriage if David defeats the giant. David runs to the battle, shouting his war cry, declaring, “Today I will kill you and cut off your head!!” No sooner had he spoken these words, than the stone from his sling plunged into the head of Goliath, who fell to the ground. Then David pulled out the giant’s sword and cut off his head!
Saul’s son, Prince Jonathan immediately bonds with David, seeing in him a kindred spirit. Saul is thrilled and makes David a commander in his armies. Eventually, Saul gives his daughter to David in marriage. David would often sing to King Saul in order to sooth him in his great emotional and mental anguish. But little did David realize that this king, whom he loved and served so courageously—this king who was now his father-in-law—was turning bad on the inside, where no one could see. Little did David know the terrible, wicked jealousy that festered in King Saul’s soul. This good king had now gone bad! Little did David understand how much it would cost him, how painful his life would become, and how complicated, stressful, and merciless many years of David’s life would be. David lost his marriage and his standing in the army and the nation, as Saul relentlessly slandered him, lied about him, and did all he could to make his life utterly miserable, trying relentlessly to hunt him down and kill him.
I know many of you have had this experience with someone you brought into your life. You trusted them, connected yourself to them because, at the time, they were a good, righteous person, but they have now gone bad. It’s turned your life upside down. I know men whose wives have done this to them. I know women whose husbands have done this to them. I know people whose good, close, Christian friends have gone bad and turned on them in terrible ways. Their love has turned to hate.
Here are some insights to keep in mind as you walk through that terrible ordeal:
Most good, righteous people whom I have watched go bad seldom, if ever, repent. They most often stay bad. Certainly that was the case with Saul.
You did not do something wrong when you married them or when you took them as a close friend. You were operating in good faith at the time, with the knowledge you had then. Do not blame yourself. This is wasted emotional energy. They chose to become a different person. They chose to become bad. They chose to become a traitor. It’s so easy to start kicking yourself, thinking, “Why didn’t I see this in them before? Why didn’t I have better judgement?” Understand, there was nothing you could have done to stop it. God himself picked Saul, and look at what Saul chose to become.
Good people—gone bad, has been the primary source of pain, trouble, sorrow, and massive stress in my life for the last 50 years. I have only survived by dealing with it the same way David did. I talk to God about it all, over and over again, expressing the same emotions David did. Do you realize this is one of the primary topics of David’s written prayers in the Psalms?
In my 50 years following Christ, all the good people who’ve gone bad, stayed bad. Only one turned, acknowledged their terrible wrongs and betrayal, asked for forgiveness, and became good again—and that was after 25 years. I’m not saying it never happens, but it is rare. Don’t hold out false hope.
There is nothing you could have done to prevent that person from going bad. David could not prevent Saul from going bad on him. God could not prevent Saul from going bad on Him.
Remember—If God had to walk through regret, and a broken heart, so will you. Then the Lord said, “I’m sorry I ever made Saul king, for he has not been loyal to me.” Now the Lord observed the extent of the people’s wickedness—so the Lord was sorry He had ever made them. It broke His heart.
Let yourself move on. Do not spend time beating yourself up for trusting that person. It is what it is. Let go, and move on the best that you can in your unique situation. Don’t try to control what you cannot control. Do not try to get back what can never be the same.
Some will notice that I did not say just forgive them and move on. Here’s why—Jesus told Peter “If a brother wrongs you, even seven times a day, but each time turns again, repents and asks for forgiveness, then forgive him.–Luke 17:4 NLT. You will also notice in Matthew 18, Jesus makes it very clear that we are to forgive the person who admits their wrong, repents and asks for forgiveness. This is why I said, just let it go and move on, rather than forgive them and move on. Obviously, it’s a wonderful thing if that person actually comes to you, admits their wrong, repents, and asks you to forgive them. By all means do so, as God forgave you when you asked him to.
Don’t take your own vengeance. Let God avenge you! He will bring it. You keep doing good with your life. Keep being faithful to God.
Every day, put your hope and trust continually in God, for only God will never go bad! Only God is worthy of our complete confidence and trust. Only God can soothe the deep wounds that people inflict on your soul.
Like King David did, focus your heart, mind, and attention on the one relationship that will never fail you, one that only grows richer and deeper, and lasts forever—Your relationship with God!
Make Psalm 63 your way of life, just as David did!
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
