LEAD STRONG
Joshua 1:6,7,9 NLT
“Be strong and courageous, for you will lead my people. Be Strong and very courageous. I command you—Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” –God
Moses, that great leader of the children of Israel has just died. The man who stood before Pharaoh, defied the mightiest nation on earth, commanded plagues down on Egypt, lead out 2 million slaves in the greatest escape of all time, stood on the banks of the Red Sea, parting the waters to lead those slaves to safety, while the mightiest army of that time was riding to chase them down and slaughter them all, has gone to God. The man who brought down the very laws of God from the sacred mountain, who led the grumbling, complaining, rebellious children of Israel for 40 years in the desert, has now been laid to rest. Joshua has witnessed all these things unfold for 40 years. God now comes to Joshua and chooses him as Moses’ successor. God commands him to go forth, conquer the lands Moses never did, and lead these rebellious people as his army. Then God tells him three times in a row–Be Strong and Courageous! In other words–Joshua, lead strong, I really, really mean it!
You think Joshua might have been a little shook up? You think Joshua might have been thinking, “Holy smokes Lord, you want me to do what the Great Moses never, ever could, and lead these people to the actual promised land, and conquer all these savage armies!?” I’m sure he had those thoughts and many more. But God made promises to him. God commanded him to go forth and to lead these people strong, and with courage, even if the people are hesitant, don’t want to follow you, rebel against you, or resist your leadership. Joshua, you are my man. I called you to lead, now go and lead!
These are truths and insights every husband needs to know and embrace. Men, we are called by God to lead our wives. This will take strength and courage. Why? Because there will be times they resist. There will be times they refuse to follow. There will be times they accuse you of being unreasonable, or stupid, or say you don’t have all the facts, or tell you your decision means you don’t love her. They may withhold love and affection from you. Some may be angry or very angry. Some may malign you, or talk you down to their friends. Some may ridicule you. I have seen all of those responses during my ministry, counseling husbands and marriages.
Let me share an example I have seen countless times over the last 20 years. It has created tremendous turmoil in many marriages. The wife cares deeply about the health of the children and her own health. She begins reading all kinds of health information on websites, Facebook, social media, etc., and information on all kinds of supplements, vitamins, and health products, becoming convinced they are essential for her family. Suddenly, the monthly expenses for these products increases more and more, as she reads more and more online information, convinced the need is even greater, and before you know it, you’re spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars a month on this kind of stuff. Certainly, some may be helpful and needful, others more dubious, but she is convinced the family needs them, and you cannot convince her otherwise. Many men I have counseled over the years are at a loss as to what to do. They feel trapped and held hostage. They love their wives and children. Their wife says she needs all this stuff, the husband feels if I say we can’t afford it, she says I don’t love her. The marital stress over this is huge. I’ve seen this scenario play out countless times in marriages over the last 20 years.
Obviously there are health situations where these kinds of supplements and vitamins are a genuine need and extremely helpful. However, they can also be overdone. There can also be times that a very healthy diet could suffice, and cutting out other bad habits would greatly enhance health. But the husband feels powerless, intimidated, afraid, and emasculated to lead. So he seeks peaceful coexistence instead. He chooses appeasement over courageous leadership.
Now here’s the thing, men. We have to be leaders who see the big picture of our entire married lives and our future. All the way from the time we married, up till the time we die, which could easily stretch from 23-85 years old, or beyond. That’s 62 years or more. We, as husbands and leaders, are required to provide for all those years! Which means this: That $400-800 a month you are spending on supplements and health products, again, while some may be needed, means many of you are unable to invest financially for the future, when you are going to need well over a million dollars* to sustain you and your wife in your older years on a fixed income. That’s the big picture most wives don’t see, and honestly, most husbands don’t see it either. Men, we must be strong, and courageously look over all of this stuff, and lead our wives. We must say no to some things for the sake of other extremely important things. Let’s say for a moment, you are currently spending $600 a month on vitamins and supplements. If you cut that in half and put $300 a month in a Roth IRA for 32 years, at a 12% growth rate, you will have $1,229,000 tax free, to use at the end of that 32 years. That’s what you will lose out on by not putting money away now, for what you know will be future needs for you and your wife, but instead spend it all now on supplements and health products. You may say, but if I don’t have the health to enjoy the later years, what’s the use of saving now, rather than buying vitamins and supplements that help my health and save us from medical costs? This argument is what keeps many men from making the hard calls they need to make as a leader.
These days there is an overwhelming amount of conflicting health information and supplement advertisements online bombarding our spouses, and it can be extremely confusing. There is also useful information and new discoveries that can be very helpful. But there must be a wise, measured approach to all of this, or you will be held hostage to fears, and feel you have a gun to your head that incapacitates you from leading your wife effectively, and making wise, courageous leadership decisions in these matters.
There are strategic ways to compromise and still lead. For example, you can say to your wife, you can get these supplements and vitamins for your health, but we will not be able to get a newer vehicle. We will keep driving this one for years to come. Or, you can buy your clothes at Goodwill and second hand stores, so as to create the margins needed for the supplements and health products.
But men, as the CEO of your family, you must lead in all of these matters. You must know where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. You must carefully, wisely oversee your resources as well as your relationship. You have to think ahead, and lead and make tough decisions to get where you will need to be in the years far ahead.
Yes, of course strive to lead with love. Yes, strive to carefully communicate the whys and the reasons for specific decisions. Yes, strive to get your wife on the same page. But you must not be afraid to lead, even if it means her displeasure towards you. Our wives will need to answer to God, not just to us. We will need to trust God to work on their hearts to bring them around and turn from their anger or displeasure with us.
It will be utterly impossible to keep everyone in your family happy, all the time, in every decision you make, the rest of your life together. If that is your goal, you will fail miserably.
Husbands you must lead, and your wives must follow.
This is the primary reason my marriage has worked successfully all these years. I have led strong, and my wife has followed my lead. If a wife won’t follow her husband’s leadership the marriage will not work.
*Special note: It is my view from 50 years of experience that many Pastors and church leaders have not adequately, and honestly, addressed or prepared couples to understand the huge need they will have to finance their later years of life. These Biblical financial truths are, in fact, clearly taught in Scripture. This is why I write what I do. You are going to need well over a million dollars to live off a fixed income for 15-20 years, that covers your basic living expenses. Social Security will not be enough by a long shot.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
