KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS
Romans 12:3 NIV
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, {with honest objectivity} in accordance with the faith God has distributed to you.
One of the most critical principles for successful leadership is to know your limitations. This is especially true when leading your family, as well as leading yourself. It’s extremely easy to bite off more than you can chew in life, projects, commitments, and activities. In doing so, you negatively impact many of your primary objectives. You create a lot of unneeded stress and strain on your life and marriage, the results of which are corrosive and counterproductive to your families lives.
None of us likes to admit or accept we have certain limitations. To admit there are some things we cannot do, or because of mitigating circumstances, things we can’t take on. However, there is great freedom and much greater success when we identify and own our limitations, then work within those boundaries, with a laser-like focus of our efforts.
Let me illustrate. I had a friend years ago, who regularly overestimated his abilities with home projects. He was determined to do it himself and save money. He was an overachiever, convinced he could do almost anything. When it was time to replace his large, living room, picture window, he decided to attempt it himself. As he began to install the new window, having never done this before, he hammered a bit too hard, shattering the brand new window. You would have thought after this debacle he’d have learned his lesson. But several months later when his basement sewer drain clogged, he decided to rent a plumbing snake and do it himself. He inserted the snake into the hole, lower and lower it went, until finally he got it terribly stuck in the concrete hole. For hours he tried to extract it, all to no avail. The only solution? He had to call a skilled professional who determined they had to break out all the concrete, remove the snake, unclog the drain, and pour new concrete. A very, very expensive lesson.
Both times, he had to have a professional come out and fix what he broke. If he had just admitted in the first place, I can’t do this, I have no experience whatsoever, and I need skilled people to do this, he would have saved time, money, and much unneeded stress and strain in his life. He refused to recognize and admit his limitations.
It is vital for our family’s well being and our marriage that we identify and know our limitations. Many years ago it became clear to me that although God had given me a wife of exceptional faith and godly character, my wife had very fragile health. First, from a major car accident and the damage it inflicted, then, shortly after we moved to Minnesota in 1986, she developed chronic fatigue syndrome. This greatly limited what Kathy was able to do. It was essential I realized this as a new church planter, pastor and leader. I knew I must guard my wife, and what she takes on. I must be careful what I commit to, no matter what other people may think, and I must take on more things around the home to help out. Even with my wife’s limitations she did more and persevered through more than many other wives I knew. But she was always in pain. These limitations were very real. In those years my wife would often have to go to bed at 8 pm, while I stayed up till 11 pm. Of the many trips I took to speak at conferences, and travel out of the country, I rarely took Kathy with me, as her health suffered greatly afterwards from those long trips. She’d get sick easily and it made her life much more difficult, her recovery could take months. I wanted to do everything I could to help her succeed in the home, not to stretch her thin. She was my star player so to speak, and I needed to take very good care of her and look out for her.
For many years all my children were in Karate. It was the family’s chosen sport. They entered many tournaments, and brought home over the course of all those years, over 100 trophies. In the beginning, I tried to attend their tournaments, but I have to confess, eventually, I realized it was better if I didn’t show up. Why? Because the nature of the judging was extremely subjective. I found myself getting way too competitive, and very angry at some of the terrible decisions and bad calls made during their competitive fights. I was loud about it. It would embarrass them, and I was not being a good testimony. I just had to stay away. You may think that’s weak, or sinful, or childish. But for me, I realized this is a real limitation for me. So my contribution was to pay for their training. I helped them practice and prepare at home, holding pads for kicking and punching. I took them to some of their practices which were 3 times a week. I even participated with them in their kickboxing classes on Saturday mornings at the school. But, when tournament time came, I stayed home and prayed for them. This was far better for them and my wife, and a blessing all around.
In each of these situations I had to humbly, honestly recognize my own limitations. If I hadn’t, much harm would have been done. Greater problems would have resulted, and I would’ve had some huge messes on my hands. It would have made my life so much more complicated and stressful.
Even now, as a result of some of the extreme things that have occurred during the last 20 years, there are certain things today, that I just have to stay away from, certain situations I will never put myself in again. I simply can’t tolerate them. I have several new limitations. I humbly recognize them, living within their boundaries, whether others understand them or not. I accept the new realities I must now live with.
Let me encourage you to take the time you need to write down, recognize and acknowledge your own limitations. Then find ways to move forward and adjust to them in light of your present realities. Take an honest look at your life, your family’s life, schedule, commitments, and your wife’s well being, and discover, recognize and know your limitations. You will find greater peace, freedom, and success if you do.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
