One of the most powerful, constructive things you can do in your marriage is to genuinely care about your spouse, and demonstrate it on a daily basis.
When was the last time you felt your spouse really cared about you, or your feelings or your needs? When was the last time you cared about your spouse, or their feelings or their unique needs? When was the last time you expressed that to them? When was the last time you showed that to them in your actions?
Learning to care about each other in marriage will transform your relationship. It is imperative that they feel you really care about them. When they don’t it will lead to emotional distance, isolation, frustration, and the sense that they just don’t really matter to you.
This lesson has been one of the most important of my life. People want and need to feel cared about. My wife wants and needs to feel cared about. To know she matters, that I am looking out for her, genuinely interested in her well-being, and demonstrating that to her through my actions every single day.
Many years ago, during my daily Bible reading, I came across a verse that just leaped off the page to me. I was stunned by its power and the simplicity of Jesus’s definition of true greatness.
Luke 9:48b LB
Your care for others is the measure of your greatness!
I was really blown away as I pondered this scripture. Greatness was not being the fastest runner or greatest athlete. Greatness was not being the greatest singer or musician. Greatness was not being the smartest, most eloquent, or most intelligent person. Greatness was not being the most beautiful or the richest. God measures greatness by how much you truly care about others.
It is a natural tendency for all of us to be very self-focused. We go through our days concerned primarily about ourselves, our needs, our interests, our comfort, our problems. I was challenged that day, and every day since to pursue this truth as my primary mission in life. Mark, care about others, this starts at home. Practice this at home. Demonstrate this care every day to your wife.
I sincerely wanted to be great for Christ’s sake. God had just shown me how. I set about this with an intense determination to do this in my marriage. The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how practical and simple this could be. I showed Kathy I care about her by being attentive to her needs. I care by finding ways to help her around the home. I care for Kathy by keeping her van full of gas. I care for Kathy by being very quiet in the mornings when I rise early so as not to disturb her sleep. I care for her interest by sleeping in another room so that my restlessness and coughing do not impair her much needed sleep with the health challenges she has. I care for Kathy by making a meal for her as she drives home after a long, tiring errand in the late afternoon. I care for Kathy by praying with her, and bringing her needs to God. I care for her in the most intimate ways in our marriage by considering what is good for her. I care for her by making sure she has the things she needs for living today. I care for her by my words of encouragement, comfort, wisdom or consolation. I care for her by listening and understanding her heart and her difficulties. I care for her by giving her a tender hug when she needs it. I care for her by taking initiative to meet a need that I can see right in front of me if only I was on the lookout for them.
Kathy in turn did the same for me in so many ways. It has been an incredible blessing to our marriage. I care for her by striving to honor every request she has of me, and she cares for me by striving to honor every request I have of her. We are by no means perfect, but we do strive to honor each other in this way.
I want to encourage you to take a moment today, and ask yourself the question. How can I care for my spouse more today? In what ways can I demonstrate more care towards them?
Write it down, then do it. Practice the truth in this article, and I promise you it will have an immediate impact on your marriage.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling