A DESPERATE MAN
Today I share with you the great secret of my spiritual life and my life as a husband and father. I am a desperate man. I am scared to death of the overwhelming wretchedness of my diseased, sinful heart. I am scared to death of the passions and desires that wage war against my soul in my depraved flesh. I am scared to death of my own stupidity and the foolishness that resides inside of me. I am scared to death of the power of lies to deceive my mind and turn me from God and His truth and wisdom. I am scared to death of my own self-destructive nature as a man, and I have witnessed its destructive power to ruin a man’s children, destroy a man’s marriage, and to make a man utterly repulsive to those around him. I am scared to death of the damage my own words can do. I am scared to death of the dullness of spirit, the apathy, and complacency that can give me a false sense of security, blinding me to the reality of my desperate need for God. I am scared to death of the idolatries of Americans that give us a false sense of piety and fill our need for the true worship of the one and only living God! I am scared to death of becoming addicted to anything but God alone! I am scared to death of the despair and sorrow that can overtake my spirit. I am scared to death that in my pride and arrogance I begin to think I don’t need God, that I can take care of myself and my life just fine, thank you very much! I am scared to death of a hard and ungrateful heart. I am a desperate man, who desperately needs God and God’s help in every possible way!
It is for this reason, I earnestly, desperately seek the Lord every single day of my life. It is for this reason that I devote much time to prayer, over and over, and over again. It is for this reason, I cling to His word and read it over and over again, lest I forget it or stray from the way. It is for this reason, I cry out with loud cries, tears, desperation, and emotional fervency: God bless me, God help me, God provide for me, God speak to me, God give me wisdom, God rescue and deliver me, God save me, God come through for me, God reveal yourself to me, God sustain me, God keep me from sin and all evil, God fill me with a passion for you and you alone, God give me what I need for you are the Great Provider, the Giver of all things.
It is for this reason I seek to walk in His ways, lest I veer from the path of righteousness and wise living, and fall into the abyss of sinful and foolish living that leads to the death and destruction of all that is dear to me.
It is for this reason, I remind myself in prayer daily, Lord apart from you I can do nothing! It is for this reason I remind myself daily, pouring out my thanks to God, that everything I have was given to me by God, I did not earn it, I did nothing to deserve it, lest ingratitude makes me hardhearted, blind, stupid and full of pride. It is for this reason, I remind myself daily it is the blessing of the Lord that makes me rich and all my labor adds nothing to it. It is for this reason, I remind myself every single day, all my good comes from God. It is for this reason I remind myself every single day, God is not subject to the market forces of this world, He is not subject to any of the worlds wretched rulers and governments, He can circumvent any law, any edict, any power, or authority, He can make water come from a rock, food fall from the sky, He can bless that which is dead and make it live. He can call into being that which does not exist with the simple powerful word of his mouth! He can bring good to me when all around me is bad. It is for this reason I remind myself daily, God does not stop being God when everyone and everything around us fails.
GOD IS MY ONLY HOPE!
It is for this reason, I get up and seek the Lord at the same time every single day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I never, ever, ever take a vacation from God. It is for this reason when I had adult whooping cough, and thought my ribs would break from coughing, that even then, I rose early, got on my treadmill, did my hour prayer walk, even though I had to step off, and hold my ribs as I coughed uncontrollably. It is for this reason that even when I flew to Berlin, Germany multiple times and would be jet-lagged, I would rise early, go out and find a lonely private place, walking around in the dark to do my hour prayer walk. You can see it here, the upper level of Wasserturm Prenzlauer Berg.
Many years ago, I wrote this song. It is the sincere, desperate cry of my heart, as true today as it was then.
I Need You
I need your life to live
I need your strength to live
I need you, I need you, O I need you today!
I need your love to live,
I need your grace to live,
I need you, I need you, O I need you today!
I’m waiting on you, I’m waiting on you, I’m waiting on you,
Today.
I need your peace to live
I need your hope to live
I need you, I need you, O I need you today.
I need your words to live,
I need your truth to live,
I need you, I need you, O I need you today.
I’m waiting on you, I’m waiting on you, Lord, I’m waiting on you
Today.
Burn these Scripture verses into your brain:
Jeremiah 17:9 NLT
The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
Prov. 30:2 AMP
Surely I am more brutish and stupid than any man. And I do not have the understanding of a man. { for I do not know what I do not know}
I want to urge each of you to do this assignment. Either right now, or later today.
Take out the New Living Translation Bible, and read out loud all of Psalm 119. Let its words sink into your mind as you read them out loud. Sense and grasp the desperation and longing in the words of the Psalmist who wrote it. If you are wise, you will imitate his desperation and intense longing.
Helping you become a Strong Disciple,
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Mark Darling
